Whoever said a good man was hard to find,
Positively, absolutely, sure was blind.
I've found the best man there ever was,
Here's just some of the things that my man does:

He shakes my ashes,
Greases my griddle,
Churns my butter,
And he strokes my fiddle;
My man is such a handy man.

He threads my needle,
Creams my wheat,
Heats my heater,
Chops my meat;
My man is such a handy man.

Don't care if you believe it or not,
He sure is so good to have around,
Why, when my furnace gets too hot,
He's right there and turns my damper down.

For everything he's got a scheme,
You oughta see the sodder he uses on my machine;
My man is such a handy man.

He flaps my flapjacks,
Cleans off my table,
Feeds my horses out in my stable;
My man is such a handy man.

Sometimes he's up long before the dawn,
Trimming the rough edges off my front lawn
My man is such a handy man.

Never has a single word to say,
While he's working hard,
I wished that you could see the way
He handles my front yard.

My ice don't get a chance to melt away,
He sees that I get a nice, fresh piece every day.
My man is such a handy man.

[Verse]
Once I used to brag about my handy man,
But I ain't braggin' no more.
Somethin' strange has happened to my handy man,
He's not the man he was before.
I wish somebody would explain to me
About this dual personality.

[Refrain 1]
He don't perform his duties like he used to do.
He never hauls the ashes 'less I tell him to,
Before he hardly gets to work he says he's through;
My handy man ain't handy no more.

The way he used to handle things was "Too bad, Jim"
That man was so efficient, full of pep and vim.
Although he looks the same, I know it isn't him;
My handy man ain't handy no more.

He's forgotten his domestic science
And he's lost of his self-reliance.

He won't make a single move unless he's told.
He says he isn't lazy, claims that he ain't old,
But still he sits around and lets my stove get cold
My handy man ain't handy no more.

[Refrain 2]
Time after time if I'm not right there at his heels
He lets that poor horse in my stable miss his meals.
There's got to be some changes 'cause each day he reveals
My handy man ain't handy no more.

He used to turn in early and get up at dawn,
All full of new ambitions he would trim the lawn,
Now when he isn't sleeping all he does is yawn;
My handy man ain't handy no more.

Once he used to have so much endurance,
Now it looks like he needs life insurance.

I used to brag about my handy man's technique,
But now "The sprit's willing but the flesh is week."

[Coda]
So now I'm gonna get myself a strong young sheik,
And tell him that it's solid action the I seek.
I'm gonna put that cat on notice it's a seven-day week;
My handy man ain't handy no more.